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Gather 'round boys ...
 Posted
5/5/2010 9:59:00 AM
Will they or won't they?
It's the $100 million question -- and $100 million questions aren't asked that often.
It's one of the greatest hooks in all of sports. Him vs Him. With both "Hims" being worthy of top billing. Legacies more than money at stake. Not easily done with ungodly numbers like that.
It seems simple. Pick a night in November and kick the hell out of each other. Do things that, in the street, would get you thrown in jail for a good amount of time, but in the ring will get a lot of us to pay $59.95 to watch. A maximum of 36 minutes that will make both of you richer than the day before, by a lot. Second-grade math will tell us that both of you will make more than a million dollars a minute. I'm starting to sweat a little just thinking about it -- the biggest sporting event in years will do that.
***Quick aside -- I just spent a few minutes thinking about what could have been the biggest-hyped sporting events in the last couple of decades. The best I can come up with is 23 years ago: Hagler vs. Leonard. Leonard vs. Hagler. It's not surprising that it falls back to boxing -- always has. It can't happen this way in any other sport. No matter how much you've looked forward to certain football games (my nod to USC-Texas) or an NCAA hoops game (Butler-Duke), team sports have too many moving parts. To many cooks in the kitchen and too many ways to win or lose. Good bounce. Bad bounce. Call here. Call there.
Look in the middle of a ring lately? Not too crowded in there. Strategy? Yes. A plan? Sure. Until, as the man said, "You get hit in the mouth."
Think about it this way. For every great game you can give me, I can give you five fights that were better. Probably more. From Ali-Frazier I or III, to Hagler-Hearns, to Morales-Barrera I, Ward-Gatti, Chavez-Taylor, Arguello-Pryor, Robinson-LaMotta, etc.
Please don't tell me that ANY series has gotten you this excited. One-and-dones rule so primitively that any Stanley Cup or World Series can't even be discussed in the same sentence as boxing. The chance to lose (multiple times) and still "win it all" doesn't cut it. Going to sleep with a chance to make up for a loss with a "better effort" tomorrow doesn't exist. Even a violent game like football only takes a week to recover from. And they can play 16 of them in four months. That's the fastest and strongest hitting and we NEVER think twice about whether enough of them will show up for the next one. Can you imagine telling a boxer he has to fight 16 times in four months? Against the fastest and strongest in THAT world? You might as well book his room at "The Home" and get a nice nurse or candy-striped volunteer to feed him his applesauce. Might want to buy a big bag of diapers too.
Head coaches. Offensive coordinators. Defensive coordinators. Assistants in nice suits. An ability to call time-outs when things start to go wrong. The ability to get picked up by the other guy if you make a mistake.
I don't recall seeing any of that during a fight. It's mostly a few guys in your corner wearing glorified bowling shirts. You want a time-out? Hang on for another minute and a half after a guy hits you with five punches delivered in a manner so as to have something that is supposed to be inside your body come out of it. Make a mistake and the only person who can help you is God himself.
You've heard what separates us from other animals is our opposable thumbs. Not right, but why screw with "tried and true."
What REALLY separates us from the animals is:
1. Our need to root. To pick a side. You think the antelope cares if the lion or gazelle wins? He's just happy it wasn't him. I've seen an alligator with a deer in its mouth. You think any giraffe gave a flip as to how that thing turned out?
2. Pants with pockets. Pockets that have money in them. To spend on beer and wings. And to bet with.
3. Pay-Per-View.
SO ...
Only three things left to do:
1. Sign the contract
2. Come up with the name of the fight
How about: "MAYWEATHER VS. PACQUIAO -- FOR ... IT ... ALL"
3. Pick a side
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Chris Dimino
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